A minute…. really?

Ok… a minute was an understatement… as in a couple years. If I cared enough I may have glanced at my last post and then actually known how long it was since I successfully posted a blog… but 2-4 years feels pretty dang good so I’m going to go with that. To be honest I think it may be pretty accurate. Ps. A 24 month span on a time line is equivalent to taking a multiple choice quiz and allowing A,B and C to be correct. Yea, the D must stand alone. No-one actually picks D anyways, do they??? Why… because because I have ANXIETY people and knowing real facts, hard numbers and answering when called upon makes me sick. I am my own worst enemy. I expect perfectism and will settle with nothing but my own ridiculously obtainable vision of my ENVISIONED amazingness. Yea… weak, ridiculous and impossible to obtain yet here I am still am trying.  

How do “we” as grown ups, beautiful mature women, mother’s, wife’s and friend’s allow our loved ones and friends to be human yet we single handedly hold up our own version of life so high it is absolutely impossible to obtain? If you check off your “To Do List” every day, fulfill your husbands wants, desires and yea…. SUBCONSCIOUS demands, if you rest your pretty little head and have zero regrets from the day regarding your fabulous mothering skills not to mention also be symantaniouslny nominated nominated for “best friend” of the year this is not the blog for you. Delete my number and move on with your filtered, edited amazingly perfect beautiful FAKE in denial life. Why… because there is no space for you here. You are ready to take on the world… so do us all a favor AND…. ready…set… go! THE END!

Ok, now we can talk, write/read/blog…. whatever you want to call it. The “FANCIES” have left the room (read the F word blog if you’re confused). Let’s forge on and actually accomplish something today. Today’s lesson is on KEEPING IT REAL PEOPLE. After several near death experiences (open heart surgeries) I have SEEN the LIGHT!!!!! What is the light? It’s not caring if my post is perfectly edited and is legible… at least sort of… it’s knowing that my poor attempt to type grammatically correct is a failed attempt at making my english teacher’s proud but you still can read, unstained and feel my words. 

So here goes… you are good enough my friend. One of my many life my many life couches/ phycyatrics has helped my understand that if there is a word to explain your failure then it’s normal and you aren’t an acceptation so get over it. For example: I was absoultly mortified one day because Carter worked on his semester project so late one night that he couldn’t wake up and was tardy for school. Carter hated being tarty and I felt like crap making him stay up late and do his very best job on his project… he procranstined until the last day and I refused to let him turn in a project that wasn’t his best self. Long story short… we were up until the late hours of the night. When I dropped him, off at school he was so tired, irritated at being tardy and mad that I didn’t let him turn in his poor attempt at completing the semester assignment.  

I was broken. I thought I was over the top, controlling and unrealistic. My life couch said “if being tardy is a word and your son was TARDY… then I am sorry to tell you but that word has already been done before…. as in a lot.” She pointed out that I brought the best out in my child, didn’t let him settle for anything but his best and showed him that with hard work, sacrifice and drive anything was possible. When Carter got off the bus he was absolutely ecstatic… he told me that his teacher had chosen his project of the example of what the students should do and asked if she could keep it as an example as the years to come.  

That day was nothing but a failed turned around victory. I (with the help of my therapist) learned how to go easier on myself, shop my precious son was he was capable of and in return reminded us both that together we were a fabulous perfectly balanced team. THE end.

Stop judging yourself. Give yourself grace and please… pretty please know that you are absolutely enough. Your family needs you, God is happy with your valiant efforts and you bring light into a dark world just by showing up. THE END. 

FULL DISCLOSURE…. THE STUFF THAT KEEPS IT REALLY REAL.
For whatever it’s worth… I can’t for the life of me type the word minute. I single handedly depend on my “good old spell check to drop the red line and hold my hand so I can subtly left click my ridiculous spelling away… just saying. When I voice text my friends I actually believe that they would. understand my text better if they were drunk/high or a little bit of both…. what can I say… I do my best VOICE texting when driving or doing YOGA… and who the heck has time to proof read when they are doing stuff! Ps. My good friend’s D and KY do yoga but I have yet to do it for myself… but it sounds so important and cool. I just go with it… lol. yea really funny actually.