Ok, so I have taken somewhat of a hiatus… a carefully thought out “pause” if you will.  As I have stated many times before… my theme for the year is “Know Thyself.”  I have added several (as in an endless list) of side notes of things to improve upon.   At the top of every list every year I always mindlessly add “be on time.”  I say mindlessly not because I don’t put forth great amounts of effort to be on time but because it honestly seems like the harder I try… the more effort I put forth the worse I get.

I absolutely HATE (yes the H word again) being late.  I know how being late appears. Here’s where you will prove my point (Audience participation is critical).  If someone is late they: __________ (feel in the blank).  Now don’t be shy, fire away.  I will help you out a bit.  If someone is late they are not considerate of other’s time they are: unorganized, scatterbrained, careless, forgetful, oblivious…. and the list goes on and on.  You probably thought of some other less than amazing characterizations that I missed…. I didn’t give it too much thought BECAUSE I am ALWAYS late but seriously try my very very very best to be on time (timely if you will :))…. On any given day I can hit a level ten… side effects for a level 10 may include but are not limited to: crazy obsession with attempting to change the inevitable… random anxiety attacks, breathlessness, etc, etc, etc….  Now let me be specific to what on time means to me… it does not give you any leisure time.  It is basically the “pray there are no red lights”… the “Carter please unbuckle as soon as we pull into the parking lot” and “please get out of the car as soon as we are parked”…. we walk/run aka WUN (wow, just made that up but its a keeper) and I use the “urgent” I love you but I will not hesitate to go into crazy mom mode if you do not follow my every command 😉

I read books to improve my timeliness…  actually 1 real book and listen to 1 on audible … (but I get so side tracked it seriously took 13 hours to get through the audible 1… well now that I think about it I’m not finished with the audible book so I will gestimate 16 hours’ish.  The book was Who moved my Cheese by: Spencer Johnson and that was a good read.  I plan on it helping me at sometime in my life.  I didn’t stop there… remember I was going to squash the late “ish” thing this time.  I dabbled in online articles, took quizzes and declared war on this.  I was done being tagged as the girl who was late… (untimely, tardy, busy, and the list goes on and on).  Game on!

Step one: Calculate the travel time and allow for delays.  – ok. Kelsey… your stupid phone already does this.  I actually set an alarm for when I need to leave.  It’s plays the Bruno Mars “Lazy Song”… I was attempting to do reverse psychology.  Step two: Plan ahead- I DO THIS…. but I always, always, always try to squeeze more in. Why not.  If I can do something great instead of just good, than I am going to do it.  It’s usually the small things that are the tricksters.  The old “Wow, I have ten minutes why don’t I just do _____  real quick”.  Ok… work on this.  Step three: immediately wake up when your alarm goes off (check… when you don’t sleep you have the luxury to turn off your alarm before it goes off).  Or in my case rarely set it because I basically NEVER sleep and rely on Ty to wake us up with his alarm if I do.  So don’t tag me as a sleeper in’er or lazy good-for-nothing because I am a lot of things BUT I am not either of those. Step four: Learn how to say no….. hold up.. this may be a small problem.. Kelsey you can do this!  Being late is a choice and you have the choice to say yes or no. Know where your time goes, make a conscious choice of how you want to spend your time. This explains my quiet exit from blogging.  You can do anything you put your mind to… agh. I decided to log my daily activities.  Come on Kels…analyze your life and makes changes if you want a change, then you MUST CHANGE!   So I wrote down EVERY thing I did for a week.  I was as usual on time “ish” or late.  I was determined to pull out all the tricks of being on time and completing the list…

Each day I reviewed my list as instructed to do so in My 17 Step Program: How To Be On Time.   I knew where this little time tracking exercise was taking me and I was ready to finally over come it!  No more anxiety of being late, no more fear of being judged and tagged as “the late one” no more constant stomach aches of how other’s will view me.  The constant fear of having to cancel on a friend’s lunch dates, shopping trips, walks… the little things… the big things… the anythings that I have consistently had to remove to add in the things I said YES to.  Now don’t go thinking other’s are beating down the door to get a piece of my amazingness… I add so much of the YES on my list.  Not because I have to… because I want to.    The fear of my favorite peeps thinking I don’t care eats me alive.  The struggle of constantly trying to overcome wanting things to be perfect. Now please pay attention there is a huge difference miles, oceans and even worlds separating wanting things (moments, events, letters, texts and anything big or small) to be perfect rather than LOOK PERFECT.  I want everything I touch to be amazing.  I want to show people I love them, that I really care, that I really want to help AND I will just go crazy if it’s not.

So here is the part where you’re going to feel like I built up this huge moment and then just dropped you off an incredibly steep cliff with no notice… so hold on.   I looked at my lists and there wasn’t much I was willing to cut out.  Sure… I know I am certainly replaceable and if I don’t do it, someone else will.  I know that “your emergency is not mine.”  I know if you burn the candle on both ends the only thing you get in the end is a huge pile of sticky wax… but while it burns at both ends it IS BRIGHTER THAN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN.  I need to do better… and slowly I am.   But I don’t need to FIX what isn’t broken.  I am the Yes Girl.. I live it… I love it and I will pray to be able to embrace it.  Pray to not analyze what others are thinking of me when I prance in late.  Pray they know my heart and my intentions. And pray if it bothers them… if I am the flake…. the girl who is scattered brained… the girl who makes too many plans and can never follow through… the girl who is all over the place than I pray, plead, beg and ask that they will do us both a favor and quietly cut me out of your life because causing this frustration and feelings to my friend is something that would slowly break my heart one word at a time.

But right now IS MY TIME! MY TIME to serve, help, volunteer, make someones day a little better, take on a million projects and living the life that I love.  My time to notice someone sad and remind them why they are special (and I talk too much so this will add additional delays to my day)..  The more I help others the better I feel.  It’s selfish.  I get so so so much more out of my little projects, notes, visits with friends and the million other time “wasters” than being on time.  I have energy… I have ambition and I have the desire to make a difference.   We all get to decide what the difference is.  Is it being late for a meeting because you gave someone a ride that walking in the cold, cutting a new neighbors hair not because they asked but because you wanted to, helping out a friend who needs you when you… but who gets to say I don’t have the time.  We all have 24 hours in the day and we have the gift to choose what we do with it.

I don’t know applies to you but find it… live it, believe it and love it.  Watch how it makes you feel.  If it’s being on time to everything…15 minutes before perfectly composed and prepared, being smart enough to limit your activities or finding the perfect balance of Family, Friends, Church, Work …. and never having to rush…. great!  I don’t know… and I don’t care.  We all know what makes us feel complete… we all know what we will regret at the end of the day if we didn’t do it.  You do you… I will do me and lets just love each other for who we are and for all the good we bring into the world because it needs all the help it can get.

Right now is my time to serve… tell someone who’s body is weak and aged from decades of life that your exhausted when they hurt so bad just sitting up puts a strain on their body.  Tell; someone who is terminally ill you didn’t do all you wanted today but will try to squeeze it in tomorrow.  Yesterday I saw a man slowly shuffle to the entrance of a local store.. every step took much effort… I wanted to help.. I wanted to help so much… but there was nothing I could do.  He was so far away and I didn’t even know him.  But wait… there was something I could do… WAIT… so I waited … and waited, finally he approached the door.  I effortlessly opened the door because it was easy for me. He looked up and smiled… “thanks” he said “those doors are tricky”.  He would have opened the door… his day would have been exactly the same… but my day was brighter.  I never want the little things that I love to get pushed out of my life.

I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was watching my sister play in a tennis match.  It was a very critical game and she was just starting her warm-ups with the other team.  I was carefully scouting out the opposing teams serves.  Carefully watching their back hands… I was lost in the moment.  Right before the match began my sister approached the fence and motioned for me to come over.  I grabbed her water and extra racket because I was certain that it was one of those two those critical items she was seeking 2 minuets before her district game began.  She tenderly looked at me and ask if I could do her a favor… YES I quickly blurted out.  (I live for SAVING the day… kinda like they do in the movies… I’m basically a super hero in my own world).  LOL  She looked at me with water pooling up in her eyes and said “I have been noticing that Elderly Gentleman across the street, his trunk is full of flowers to plant.  Every time he steps off the edge of the driveway I think he is going to fall.  He has only moved a couple of them out of his trunk and the trunk if full.  He has been doing it since before I started warming up.  It’s so hot out here and I am so worried about him. Would you mind offering him a hand?”

The rest is a blur because my heart and soul was flooded with absolute love and joy… my sister stepped out of her world when there was no time, followed her heart and pleaded for me to do a favor for HER and help him.   I helped him… he was slow to accept my help…  I knew I couldn’t fail by sister.  After much resistance..  He let me help.  I remember him saying “You have stuff to do, I am an old man and this is the only thing I need to do today.”  But I didn’t have “stuff to do” I had a mission to complete.  My sister’s mission.  A life lesson that she was gracious enough to trust me with.   He stopped several times to drink some ice cold water and sit in the shade because the hot sun had been beating down on my new friend and I could see that he was getting faint.  I took one break with him… I didn’t need it… but actually I did.  I needed him to know that he was not a project… he was not a check on my do do list at all.  He was my friend and I wanted to help.  We finished. the plants.  I may have helped him move some plants from his trunk but my sister and this kind gentleman taught me a priceless lesson that was changed my direction of life.  It’s the small stuff that never makes the to do list but at the end of the day it’s usually the only stuff that really matters.

 

Back to the match…. I have detoured with the warm fuzzy stuff.. Kelsey  finish this dang story.  I SHOWED UP LATE to my best friend.. my sister.. my partner in crime’s tennis match.  So to the average spectator… I looked like I pranced in late as I usually do… just in time to make an appearance and be there.  And you know what.. they were right.. I was late… but I know where I was.  And God did too.  And in this game called life that is all that really matters.  I don’t remember how my sister did… I do remember that she was so exhausted that she laid in the back seat and barely said a word.   She could barley move.  She never brought up the gentleman again… not because she didn’t care about it… probably because she didn’t want any attention to be drawn to her… she does things for the people she serves and not the recognition.   She may have wanted me to get the credit and have my parent’s think it was my idea.  (And don’t get me wrong… as a kid I never minded talking her good idea and making it my own). It is also very possible that she didn’t even remember… it is second nature for her to observe…find a need… and serve.   She makes me better.  Serving is giving something to someone that you can’t give to yourself.  Time… something that I almost can’t accept.  My sister took my little man to swim lesson for the first 5 years of his life… because I was too “busy” working to do it.  She would text picture of progress to me so I could enjoy them.  She didn’t post them, mass text them or bring them up at dinner.  She didn’t need the world to know the gift she quietly gave me every summer.  She needed me to know that she loved me and my baby Carter and she wanted to give us the gift of time.   She didn’t have time to do it.. or maybe she did… the point is she did it for me.  Because wherever she could have been was not were she CHOOSE to be.

So do you.  If you have a famous apple pie bust it out when a friend is down; if you are a good listener, lend an ear and pick other’s up give them a call when they are down.  Be good at doing the simple things.  My sister sends a small piece of Idaho one stamp at a time.  Find the thing in life that makes your heart happy and pass it on… it will put a sparkle in someones eye.  Most importantly never do anything because you have to… do it because you want to.  And never let anyone tell you that you don’t have time.  It’s your time.  I am a believer that we get to decide how we spend our 24 hours.  We are accountable to how we spend our time.  So own it.   XOXO until we meet again!

THE TAKE AWAY: Do what makes you smile no matter if you have the time or not!  And don’t say things that will take other people’s smile’s away.  You make a difference just being who you are.  People need you and you make the world a better place.   Seize the day people!

Full Disclosure-  Agh… I wish I had some because they are pretty funny but this one was too close to the heart to even get lost in the moment of pretending to be a writer and slightly altering the text to improve the story.  My second batch of flowers dies.  I gave them a lot of water the first day… and than forgot.  I threw them away and was done with the whole flower “bit” for a a while.  But I really great friend dropped some off and I have watered them everyday!  Glad my friends aren’t as hard on me as I am.   PS: I post the VERY second I am done writing.  It’s critical I don’t over analyze my thoughts and that I write straight from the heart.  Once it’s posted I proof read… polish if you will.  😉  I know the post and proof read is unnecessary but its me… the girl who is a little sunshine with a splash of hurricane.  At least I’m consistent. agh..